What the hell is it with people on tinder and motorbikes?? Is there some algorithm nonsense going on?

I've seen more women posing with motorcycles on tinder than I've ever seen riding motorcycles in real life

@schratze in Iceland Tinder every man is holding a fish, many of them in front of a vehicle. I met no fish-holding men irl.

@schratze they're just dykes, don't feel threatened (unless you wanna)

@qlexy I'm afraid they're all straight at arrows

@schratze I have wondered this always. Sometimes the pictures are just of a motorcycle, not even a person. Am I supposed to put pictures of my knitting etc? What is going on?

@yourfaceisamess the perfect online dating profile has the following photos:

-your face
-you doing something fun
-your favorite hobby (motorcycle, knitting, whatever)
-your pets
-detailed closeup nude

@schratze now what if my hobby is taking detailed close-up nudes in a composition that includes my cats?

@yourfaceisamess instant marriage material

Still not over this. It's so pervasive

There's also way too many profiles mentioning that they love red bull specifically

Does tinder inject ads into real dating profiles? My tinfoil hat is glowing

@schratze patenting the idea of Ad Slots for Dating Profiles, where you can leave part os the profile text empty and then a chatbot inserts products into your holes.

@owl I would love to be the meat proxy for an LLM, physically inserting products into people's holes

@schratze interests: long walks on the beach, poetry, {sponsored_product[0]}

@schratze to be honest though, tinder was (in my experience) bottom of the barrel stuff, especially as someone who doesn't date the straights. Feeld has been better because I can immediately see if someone is straight and therefore undateable to me, and in general the crowd there is more open minded and odd.

@yourfaceisamess yeah tinder has been a complete waste of time so far. The only thing stopping me from deleting it is a bit of fomo

Too bad feeld is completely broken to the point that I can't even sign up

At least okcupid has been pretty good so far

@schratze ah yeah. OkCupid was much better in the old days, it got Tinderfied pretty hard. But it's where I met @tobi , so that's a stamp of approval if there ever was one.

@yourfaceisamess @tobi yeah I heard about that. It's still okay though

Giving feeld another try and it looks like they fixed it. At least it works now

@owl @schratze ad sluts

@schratze @yourfaceisamess but that's just a typical fedi profile

@IngaLovinde @yourfaceisamess see?

fuck it I'll just vent my other pet peeves and frustrations with online dating profiles in this thread

about 75% of dating profiles list that they want "a man who knows what he wants" and none of them explain what they mean by that

I think what they mean is "I want a man who wants exactly the things I want, but I'm not gonna tell you what that is because that would be work"

alternatively, it might just be neurotypical code for "contact me if and only if you want a long-term mono relationship with me" but that's not what they're saying, is it?

I know what I want, and it's not a long-term mono relationship. (I'm also not a man, but that's beside the point)

"I need the following thing literally every single day: Coffee"

t. literally every single dating profile on tinder and bumble

@schratze I'm haunted by the fact that, when okcupid rekeased stats on how people answered their matchmaking questions, the one asking "Are you normal or weird?" had like 75% of people saying they're weird.

@schratze honestly, that's just extremely hetero coded

(and, i have no idea what it means, and I'm afraid to ask my straight friends)

@meena @schratze

"I am just going to guess at what you want to hear and then repeat it back to you while delaying indefinitely the moment where you actually find out what sort of person I am" is something that is tremendously annoying when you finally realise that someone is doing it to you.

"Is honest about what they want" is a much better way to be.

@meena @schratze

As the saying goes, a dating profile is like a communist parade: the red flags should be up front.

@bright_helpings @schratze i mean, there were lots of us 'weirdos' on okcupid back then. i'd guess much more than on any other big dating site

@Stoori @bright_helpings I was about to say

Whereas on tinder, I've seen a lot of profiles that say "please be normal"

Profiles listing their instagram handle

Okay collecting simps is honorable and just, but not everybody has instagram

Maybe I should add my handle on here to my profile

From tinder, I would link to nightjar of course. These people are hogs. They don't deserve any better

@schratze ngl, scrolling through this thread is why ive given up with so many dating app, the general ones are too straight and neurotypical, and the queer ones have rancid vibes

@miawgogo @schratze i never understood ppl who went on cishet dating apps because they seem to exemplify the worst about cishetness in our society tbh

@mynameistillian @miawgogo @schratze OkCupid, where I met my partner 14 years ago, used to have a nice option for:

❎ I don't want to see or be seen by straight people

@meena @mynameistillian @miawgogo I am digging through 99% filth to find the few diamonds out there. And I've actually been texting a few wonderful people and already met one of them. But that's no fun to vent about lmao

@schratze this is wild to me. I almost never drink coffee: maybe a mocha if I’m literally in the mood for hot chocolate specifically and also want caffeine for some reasons

And the only alcohol I have is small sips from samples at grocery stores.

Surely that is more notable in a world where most adults drink coffee every morning and alcohol many evenings?

@Byte yeah I guess? I'd say in Germany you're the odd one out for not drinking coffee, especially if you're a working adult. There are different kinds of caffeine stereotypes for different populations. Like mate for hackers, energy drinks for teenagers and black tea for Frisians and other northerners

The amount of openly racist profiles I've run across on tinder is honestly baffling

This one just said "No me gustan los árabes"

@schratze if you can't handle me at my nightjarest moment, you don't deserve me

"don't just like me, send me a message"

Do you realize that's a premium feature?

@schratze person in question wants people to spend money on them. See it as a commitment thing, see it as vain.
*Shrugs*

@Primo @schratze I always assumed these people mean, like, when you match with them, but this interpretation might also work lol

@wolfe @Primo it depends on how the app works exactly. Some of them don't let you send a message before a match. On some of them, it's a premium feature

Maybe this is the reason I've only had good experiences with okcupid because that app allows you to send a message along with your like

"I'm not looking for a perfect partner, but for someone who [continues to describe their personal perfect partner]

People who photograph their face from the exact same angle with the identical facial expressions ten times

Not a pet peeve. I feel kind of sorry for these people and their self-image

@schratze that was me pre-transition

same angle and expression because everything else was dysphoric as fuck, and as an egg i thought that i just need to try to like myself harder

@alice yeag

@schratze my advice is to find someone that makes you discover that you are actually able to talk to other people irl and then date them

@charlotte @schratze *dates everyone i can talk to* winning

@charlotte oh don't worry about it. I've found a few good matches online.

I don't really talk to people irl so that's not an option.

@schratze @charlotte no talkie, just plap plap

@CAETFOOD @charlotte yup. That's me.

@schratze @charlotte i mean there are ways to make caet stop talking

@CAETFOOD oh yeah?

@schratze i real life eyebrow wiggled lol

"swipe left if you're a fuckboy, narcissist, liar, psychopath or a low effort person"

Too bad. I identify as three of those things. You're missing out

@CAETFOOD @schratze @charlotte what does "plap" mean?

@IngaLovinde @CAETFOOD @schratze onomatopoeia for penetrative sex i think

@charlotte @IngaLovinde @CAETFOOD I wanted to link the infamous sephiroth clip about the chicken sandwich but it looks like it's not on youtube anymore

@schratze @charlotte @CAETFOOD they did WHAT to the chicken sandwich???

@IngaLovinde @charlotte @CAETFOOD plap plap plap get pregnant

It was a joke about a customer ordering extra mayo

@schratze @IngaLovinde @CAETFOOD don’t let playstation video game characters prepare your food i think

@schratze @CAETFOOD @IngaLovinde or do i won’t kinkshame