Breakfast 10 minutes
Showering 10 minutes
Shaving 5 minutes
Pooping 3.5 hours
Getting dressed 2 minutes
someone who is good at the planning please help me organize this. I'm losing my job

@nightjar do the 3.5h poop at work, problem solved

@kodymo I work from home

@nightjar what on earth are you doing spending so long in the shower?? Such a waste of water!

@redvers I gotta wash my ass very thoroughly

@nightjar you spend too much time getting dressed. it's neither practical nor helpful and it's a pain for everybody involved. shit with your pants on

@mynameistillian nice try. I'm not gonna fall for that one again

@turtle @mynameistillian showering for 3.5 hours??

@nightjar @turtle i mean, it's multitasking. what are you gonna do, not shit while in shower? in this economy? how about you also move the breakfast in there too. hydration is important these days anyway

@mynameistillian @turtle I cannot get dressed, shit, have breakfast, shower AND shitpost all at the same time

@nightjar @turtle this fool doesn't know they's in charge of their own destiny

@nightjar take laxatives before you go to sleep and shit the bed #efficiency #tips

@operand but I'm a morning pooper

@nightjar slow release laxatives

@nightjar @mynameistillian @turtle well not with *that* attitude you can't

git gud

@deejvalen @nightjar @turtle on that shower breakfast diarrhea grind

@mynameistillian @nightjar @turtle its why you drink coffee

@deejvalen @nightjar @turtle while showering. and shitting

@mynameistillian @nightjar @turtle you're just cleaning it right off so its fine

@nightjar @mynameistillian @turtle you can definitely do all 4 at the same time: they're nearly the same action! just in different directions…

Another one of those mornings

@nightjar ah yea when you know your legs have gone numb but getting up is gonna be awkward anyway so you just stay and wipe without getting up

@kim https://twoot.site/@nightjar/112868279975040994

I could just boost this post every morning

@nightjar reading this while trying to poop a log, thanks

@CAETFOOD guten Rutsch

I could just pin this to my profile

@nightjar u forgot to brush your teeth

@sk fuck!!

@nightjar poopin it

@owl it's me, I'm the poopin it

@nightjar you could do that while pooping

@nightjar pin ME to your profile

@CAETFOOD *pins you to the wall*

@nightjar whoops there goes all my dignity as i wiggle and blush,

Bottom text

@CAETFOOD hehe bottom

@nightjar move the 3.5 hours of pooping to your work hours

@nightjar how many hours are you spending on butthole cleaning

Maybe you could skip it

@nightjar you know what they say

A dirty butthole is good for the bottom line

@maddiefuzz

@mynameistillian @nightjar I read this in the voice of Ancient Reptilian Brain from Disco Elysium

@maxthefox @nightjar LOGIC [Trivial: Failure]

@mynameistillian @maxthefox
PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT - When a man sets his mind and body on something and gives his hundred and ten percent, he is sometimes going to piss himself. It just happens. No shame in that.

@nightjar have you tried skipping the shower

@unnick yeah but everyone tells me I smell like poop

@nightjar @unnick owo

@charlotte @unnick nooo

@nightjar @unnick too late you alerted the raccoon

@nightjar have you tried pooping in the shower. i think that would work

@eri https://twoot.site/@nightjar/112869393368855861